Tuesday, April 15, 2008

10 Things you don't know about Women.

1. I look like a downright fool in a cute dress and heels if you're in a t-shirt and jeans, but we look like a stylish couple if you add a blazer. Unrequired fanciness is the cutest thing ever and is in the "little things" box of traits we will love about you.

2. Unless we are 60 with silver hair or have a nobel prize in literature, don't ever call us ma'am. Try girl. Hell, Justin Timberlake has made a career out of its generous use. Try it- i guarantee you fellas, your lady will hold your hand tighter that night, and her smile will be a little brighter!

3. Instead of calling your ex a raving bitch, say: "[Name] is difficult and could act more reasonable". Then you can vent by chopping some wood with a big axe or fixing something that requires a hammer and some brutal force. This shows restraint and a love for DIY ways of therapeutic  release. Guys, really, its better than going all black widow on your ex.

4. Girls, particularly your girlfriend, like it when you  nickname them something smaller than say, a breadbox. Chicklet, Kitten, cherry pie. This makes us feel tiny and adorable. Minivan and leaf blower, however, do not bode well for a successful relationship.

5. If I'm Standing next to you, quit fucking around on Facebook. If you're checking to see how many vampire bites you have from girls you went to high school with, somethings wrong. 

6. Violent statements like "if that dude keeps eye-ing you up, i'm going to rip his head off" are actually appealing. (footnote: this is as long as you are a quiet book worm and have no intentions literally speaking)

7.  To set the mood: three candles max! More than that and you're the set decorator for Grey's anatomy or a steamy scene
between Ethan and Teresa on Passions- therefore creating a 
deliberate and very icky mess of the whole thing.

8. If you start to defend a girl on the premise of being "really smart when you get to know her", she is immediately a dumbass. What you mean is, she's "really smart for a smokin' hot girl who is stupid". Case in point below.....

9. Your buddy doesnt mind so much receiving his new belt in the General Pants bag. We do. Wrap everything. Except engagement rings. That can be interpreted.

    10. Fact: Women love sex tapes. Not porn-     sex tapes, because the scandal is              titillating. If you want to trick us into                watching porn, tell us the girl in it is 
    famous and we just haven't heard of her
    yet. ( Also- see image correlating to #8)

That is enough pointers for one blog, 10 is a good number. So guys remember some of it, because we arent even that fucking cryptic anyway.....

Until next time,

Stay Classy mofos xo


Monday, April 14, 2008

A girl's best friend....

Okay people. First blog off the rank, and since the first is usually the most important in establishing character and sense of purpose (to which im not even sure of yet) i thought i would start on the most important subject out there. Shoes.
Now, usually paying a fortune for something thats probably going to give you a crooked spine and bunions would be considered kind of retarded- but in this case, forking out a few hundred green for a sky high pair of shoes is WORTH IT people. 
 No one ever said "hey i love those $20 Dunlops , they go fabulous with you couture". In other words, having bad shoes is a fucking sin as far as im concerned.
if i see a boy in a hip, sexy pair of dress shoes on  a date- or a funky pair of chuck Taylor's on a movie date-- then he is getting some tongue and maybe more at the goodbye dance at my door. But if he rocks up in an incredibly heinous pair of dirty knock offs from fucking Payless, then he's getting a fake phone number with 6 digits.

 When it comes to girls, listen...its understandable that great shoes cost a bit of extra money and usually dont do any good for the spinal region, but they are the best fucking thing for making a woman feel sexy and confident, and also giving men an excuse to stare at the way a stilletto makes legs look longer.
 A woman in great shoes, is a woman who knows whats good for her. Shoes that are hot dont really even need to cost alot of money, but you will find that the cheaper ones dont last as long and usually give blisters with usual immitation materials like vinyl and acryllic.
 The difference between a good pair of shoes and a great pair of shoes is an alias or object, and a first name-last name moniker (usually a male name).
 For eg.     Good shoes- Candies, Chinese Laundry, Sportsgirl, Target, Nine West etc......
                   Great shoes- Manolo Blahnik, Christian Laboutin, Marc Jacobs, Christian Lacroix

So its no secret that i love shoes. Crave shoes. Will Kill for the last pair of Christian Laboutin's at a David jones sale. I would knock a bitch out!
 But i digress. Shoes are an incredibly important part of everyday life, they get you where you are going, and great shoes make the walk a little more fun and sexy shoes give your stride a bit more bounce. 
 So get yourself a great pair of shoes for every occassion, and STOP at every shoe sale you see, you might just find the next best pair of pumps to fall in love with.

Shoe shopping is a religion, so treat it with respect....and dont wear socks with sandals- you look like a fucking monk in Tibet people- Stop it!

You can usually tell what a person is like from the look of their shoes....so if theyre uggo, run!

Stay classy,

Steph xo