Tuesday, April 15, 2008

10 Things you don't know about Women.

1. I look like a downright fool in a cute dress and heels if you're in a t-shirt and jeans, but we look like a stylish couple if you add a blazer. Unrequired fanciness is the cutest thing ever and is in the "little things" box of traits we will love about you.

2. Unless we are 60 with silver hair or have a nobel prize in literature, don't ever call us ma'am. Try girl. Hell, Justin Timberlake has made a career out of its generous use. Try it- i guarantee you fellas, your lady will hold your hand tighter that night, and her smile will be a little brighter!

3. Instead of calling your ex a raving bitch, say: "[Name] is difficult and could act more reasonable". Then you can vent by chopping some wood with a big axe or fixing something that requires a hammer and some brutal force. This shows restraint and a love for DIY ways of therapeutic  release. Guys, really, its better than going all black widow on your ex.

4. Girls, particularly your girlfriend, like it when you  nickname them something smaller than say, a breadbox. Chicklet, Kitten, cherry pie. This makes us feel tiny and adorable. Minivan and leaf blower, however, do not bode well for a successful relationship.

5. If I'm Standing next to you, quit fucking around on Facebook. If you're checking to see how many vampire bites you have from girls you went to high school with, somethings wrong. 

6. Violent statements like "if that dude keeps eye-ing you up, i'm going to rip his head off" are actually appealing. (footnote: this is as long as you are a quiet book worm and have no intentions literally speaking)

7.  To set the mood: three candles max! More than that and you're the set decorator for Grey's anatomy or a steamy scene
between Ethan and Teresa on Passions- therefore creating a 
deliberate and very icky mess of the whole thing.

8. If you start to defend a girl on the premise of being "really smart when you get to know her", she is immediately a dumbass. What you mean is, she's "really smart for a smokin' hot girl who is stupid". Case in point below.....

9. Your buddy doesnt mind so much receiving his new belt in the General Pants bag. We do. Wrap everything. Except engagement rings. That can be interpreted.

    10. Fact: Women love sex tapes. Not porn-     sex tapes, because the scandal is              titillating. If you want to trick us into                watching porn, tell us the girl in it is 
    famous and we just haven't heard of her
    yet. ( Also- see image correlating to #8)

That is enough pointers for one blog, 10 is a good number. So guys remember some of it, because we arent even that fucking cryptic anyway.....

Until next time,

Stay Classy mofos xo


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